My GirlFriend of over an year Broke up with me

Hey guys. I've been with this girl for a little over a year and I really love her. I've seen this break up coming for a while now and have tried desperately to put the skids on it, but to no avail.

She has been telling me for months now that she wants to be by herself for a while as she has constantly been in relationships for about 12 years, but I think it has had more to do with me being a chump while I've been with her, being jealous and paranoid with her because of ex's that have cheated on me in the past. It seemed the stronger I felt for her the stronger my insecurities became also.

She also suffers from depression and this makes her not be able to tolerate my negativity at all, and also she becomes very negative in general.

She broke up with me friday night and there was nothing that I could say to change her mind. I was and still am gutted. I've been doing all the wrong things, drinking heavily, not eating, trying to call her and her not answering the phone etc. To try and make things better I sent her a text apologising and saying that I understood and respected her decision, but also kinda messed it up again by asking if she wanted to come and chill with me today.

Of course she said no, but I got a text from her saying that she wants to come see me tomorrow night, also that she misses me, but still thinks she made the right choice.

Basically I wanted to know how I should be acting when she comes round, it's going to take all my will not to try and get her into bed and I'm worried I will push her farther away. I know she still has feelings for me, and I really think that the situation is still not completely unsolvable. Please help this love sick fool with some good tips.

What has been going on the past few months and how old is she?

You've seen the breakup coming - what were the signs?

Your jealousy/paranoia added with her in and out of relationships over the 12 years, not a good mix. You both have to make changes.

The best thing is if there's mutual blame in this. You did some things, she did some things, vs pointing fingers.

If you're both able to talk about what led to the breakup, and keep it casual and not get too heavy-handed about it, that could lead to the door not being completely closed on this. She gets her head together, you get over your trust issues, and over time and some distance, you can both see a lot clearer.

Also, holidays are a stressful time... so see how the week goes, touch base with her on Xmas eve, so she has her family time and you're not on her mind, even though you prob. will be. Call her a day or two after to find out how everything went, and leave New Years open ended. She might change her mind one Xmas passes and the family drama subsides.

Neither of you are going to feel like seeing other people so soon, but there's nothing stopping you from lining something up for new years with someone else.

Best solution in my opinion is to surround yourself with people you trust and who will listen to you talk!

I believe from my experience, talking is the best therapy.

Its mourning time, and you got to cut off all methods of communcation with her. Unfriend her from facebook, block her MySpace, and delete / block her number.

Out of sight, Out of mind

Thanks for the responses guys. I will follow your advice. She is 24 she has self esteem issues although she is beautiful and very popular in our social circle.

The signs were that she used to be all over me like a rash and highly sexual, then she became hot and cold, and finally just cold. She also just plain told me that she was having the urge to be by herself and not be in a relationship, but like I said I don't think that's the full story I thinks it's because I stopped being fun and just became a pussy.

Also I think this girl must really be into challenges, she was in a five year relationship before ours in which the guy cheated on her multiple times was taking heroin, didn't have sex with her for months on end and was physically abusive.

I think maybe some of the problem is the intensity with which the relationship started, the talk of kids and marriage etc, now that that's cooled off it's difficult for us to have any problems because things just seemed so right and fell into place at first. How the hell can I turn this around?

Several things that I'm going to point out, that you need to fix before being in your next relationship, or being back together with her.

First. If you're with a highly sexual woman, you need to be able to satisfy her with mind blowing sex. If you're not satisfying her there; she's going to feel like things are going alright, after sex be slightly disappointed... Whether you couldn't perform up to her standards, or you didn't give it to her often enough - she became unsatisfied. And so, because you couldn't fulfill her needs as a Woman -- She needs to look elsewhere to find the fulfillment.

Secondly, Treating women "Well" also needs to encompass you being interested in doing things with your life, Going places, Doing fun things. It needs to have some kind of excitement. Heroine-Addicted boyfriend always was in the lead, doing what he wanted to do, and was probably great in the sack. One of the two -- or maybe both.

If you can combine Those things -- Sexually satisfying, and Leading always (For exciting, interesting things); I think you'll find that you become a very desirable candidate for a relationship, because you don't come with the pain that the other guys do -- yet provide the same excitement and awesome sex.

Pick yourself up. You're capable of doing this.