Husband is destroying our marriage!

This past weekend, my husband made a comment about my weight when we were making love. I already have issues with intimacy, and my husband often complains we are not intimate often enough.

He is always picking at me: I laugh weird, I'm lazy, I'm selfish, I'm not dressed properly, my clothes don't fit well, I'm overweight, I'm spoiled, I'm too shy... etc.

Now, I'm completely devastated. Not only did he criticize me, but he did it when I was the most vulnerable.

I think I am in a full on depression now. All I could do yesterday was lay in bed. When we went out to lunch, I told him how I felt - how I feel he has broken me down until there is nothing left of me. How I feel like I've wasted 11 years of my life with him because I only feel bad about myself whenever he is around. Your partner is supposed to make you feel like you are a better person because they are around, right?

He totally ignored me. He went on and on about how I'm a spoiled only child that is just making things up for the drama and that I'm not perfect and how the problems I have are all my own fault.

Then he had the nerve to give me "action items" to improve our marriage.
1) I have to lose weight,
2) I have to print out the bank balance every night so he can control our finances,
3) I have to be willing to sleep with him more...

Yet, when I have my suggestions, they get ignored. I begged him not to take off his shoes/take off his clothes in the middle of the floor in the family room. He still does. I asked him not to play with his cellphone/iphone instead of talking to me when we go out to dinner (I've asked him this for as long as I've known him). Not once has he put it down (Yes, we sit at the table in silence as he plays with his iphone).

I ask for kindness. Not to wake up every morning and having him berate me for something. He refuses. He says he won't be able to be kind to me until I fix my problems. But a lot of my problems are because of the way he treats me!

I've asked him to go to counseling, but he refuses. He says that all councilors always take the woman's side and that marriage counseling is just "divorce" counseling.

I don't know what to do anymore.

Wow ... he seems like a jerk, and a real one. Please drop him asap. He has no respect for his wife, seems insecure, does not respect your feelings, is not attentive to your needs. He does not care for you.

Even if you "obey" his rules, and loose weight, he will have more "demands" for you. So, please refrain from attending to any of his "agendas" and do NOT encourage his abusive behavior.

casaundra1891 wrote:Wow ... he seems like a jerk, and a real one. Please drop him asap. He has no respect for his wife, seems insecure, does not respect your feelings, is not attentive to your needs. He does not care for you.

Even if you "obey" his rules, and loose weight, he will have more "demands" for you. So, please refrain from attending to any of his "agendas" and do NOT encourage his abusive behavior.

He does not respect you. Not one bit. Why dont you workout? It is good for your mental well-being. You will gain more confidence and perhaps you will meet some else. BUT if your not looking for someone else, the working out will make you feel so good. Walk, walk, walk. It is so good for you, then when your ready build up to workout videos. I recommend Jillian Michales The Biggest Loser. Work out alone, when he is not home.
Hope this helps

Ecolleen wrote:He does not respect you. Not one bit. Why dont you workout? It is good for your mental well-being. You will gain more confidence and perhaps you will meet some else. BUT if your not looking for someone else, the working out will make you feel so good. Walk, walk, walk. It is so good for you, then when your ready build up to workout videos. I recommend Jillian Michales The Biggest Loser. Work out alone, when he is not home.
Hope this helps